Casuality Notification and Assistance

Executive Mansion,Washington, Nov. 21, 1864.
Dear Madam,--
I have been shown in the files of the War Department a statement of the Adjutant General of Massachusetts that you are the mother of five sons who have died gloriously on the field of battle.
I feel how weak and fruitless must be any word of mine which should attempt to beguile you from the grief of a loss so overwhelming. But I cannot refrain from tendering you the consolation that may be found in the thanks of the Republic they died to save.
I pray that our Heavenly Father may assuage the anguish of your bereavement, and leave you only the cherished memory of the loved and lost, and the solemn pride that must be yours to have laid so costly a sacrifice upon the altar of freedom.
Yours, very sincerely and respectfully, A. Lincoln
Who can forget the letter Mrs. Bixby received that was read in the movie "Saving Private Ryan " about the loss of her sons. Or the depiction in " We were all Soldiers" when the Army used taxi cabs to deliver the news about a Soldiers death to the wife waiting at home. Both of these movies had a significant impact on my life and the desire and need I had to make sure I could help the families that are affected by the military.
This week I had the honor to attend a casualty notification and casualty assistance class for the Army. While I can not make do either of these two processes , I am working to form a family care team and grief counseling for the National Guard and it was imperative that I understand the process. I can say unequivocally this was the most difficult class I have ever attended. I actually had to have a couple down days after just to let everything sink in. This year the National Guard has had more deaths In Alaska then ever before and several suicides. It seemed like for a while every time I would walk in to see the Chaplin he would know before I ever spoke there was another death. The hard part for me is how do you not feel the pain through the families? My personality is to walk in and take the pain away. I am a fixer. I want everyone happy. For years that has been what I do. That all came to a screeching halt this year when not only did a Soldiers husband die, but he was also a Soldier. When I got to the house after the Chaplin and notification team had left, thankfully the assistance Soldier was there but he was just as scared as I was. Through the upcoming weeks and months, I learned some things I can not fix. That's a giant lesson for me. Some things the only thing I can do is be there. Whether that means 1 in the afternoon or 1 in the morning, if she needed me I was there. I didn't have any great words of wisdom to share. I couldn't tell her why her husband was dead. I couldn't say I promise it will all be ok. But I could cook for her, be there to listen to her. i could cry with her. I could play with her son. I could be a huge resource for her . Her assistance Officer and I had a great relationship that worked well , so we got her family here for the funeral. We stayed with her for everything. Every time she held my hand I could feel her cry even though if I looked over there were no tears coming from her face. I saw her be so strong for their young son. He would place his tiny hands on either side of her face and ask her why she was crying and she would just inhale and tell him everything was ok and that she loved him. I am in such awe of the strength this incredible woman had. Her ability to be everything her child needed during such a difficult time made me all the more convinced we needed to do more to help our Families for their mental well being. I couldn't fix it but I could help her . Its amazing the things you need to do after such a traumatic event. I guess for me this blog is one a way to let go of the week. But also to say while the military like every other large business is not perfect. I am so proud at how far they have come from the letters, the notification from the cabs . And I am so proud of the resources we have made and continue to make to help the families of our Troops. God Bless our Troops and their Families!!